How to establish rapport with your athletic child 

By Lloyd Percival

I have been asked to do a book about the role parents should or should not play in the careers of their athletic offspring. I began to research the subject in some detail because it has been my experience that the popular consensus or “expert” opinion sometimes is not as accurate as it appears. First, I talked with the young athletes and found that though parents often preset a problem, the youngsters appear anxious to solve it. They want their parents to be closely involved but without creating pressure and without causing either a super-critical or an over protective environment. Here are some golden rules, 

1. Make sure that your child knows that- win or lose, sacred or heroic- you love them, appreciate their efforts and are not disappointed in them. This will allow them to do their best, to avoid developing a fear of failure based on the spectra if disapproval and family disappointment if they do mess up. Be the person in their life they can look up to for constant positive enforcement. Learn to hide your feeling if they disappoint you. 

2. Try your best to be completely honest about your child’s athletic ability, their competitive attitude, sponsorship and actual skill level. 

3. Be helpful don’t “coach” them on the way to the track, diamond or court…on the way back …at breakfast…and so on. Sure, it’s tough not to, but it’s a lot tougher for the child to be inundated with advice, pep talks and often critical instruction. 

4. Teach them to enjoy the thrill of competition, to be “out there trying” to be working to improve their skills and attitudes… to take physical bumps and come back for more. Don’t say “wining doesn’t count” because it does. Instead, help develop the feel for competing, for trying hard, for having fun. 

5. Try not to re-live your athletic life through your child in a way that creates pressure; you fumbled, too, you lost as well as you won. You were frightened, you backed off at times, and you were not always heroic. Don’t pressure your child because of your pride. Sure, they are an extension of you, but let them make their own voyage of discovery into the world of sports…Let them sail into it without interference. Help to calm the waited when things get stormy, but let them handle their own navigational problems. 

Find out what your child is all about and don’t assume they feel the way you did, wants the same things, or has the same attitude. 

You gave him life, now let them learn to handle it, enjoy it. Let then need you on their terms-don’t help him into death. 

Athletic children need their parents, so you must not withdraw. Just remember there is a thinking, feeling, sensitive, free spirit out there in that uniform who needs a lot of understanding, especially when their world turns bad on them. 

If they are comfortable with you-win or lose- they are on there way to maximum achievement and enjoyment- and you will get your kicks too! 

In the meantime, start to think of your child as a child, not as “my son/daughter, the athlete!” If you do, the morale of the family will greatly improve. 

Note that it is only half done….